To be or not to be..... yourself

Throughout our lives, we conform.

People, especially women leaders, mothers, or just women, often have to be someone they aren’t. At work, where business norms dictate how a woman leader should come across; within families, where parents forfeit the ability to candidly guide their adult children as they used to. Or in social circles, where societal norms guide how a woman should act, talk or move. 

It’s strange to live a life shaped by other people’s expectations. You become a chameleon - not by choice, but necessity. At work, you’re the “strong leader”, who gets results at whatever cost. At home, you’re the “good child,” the “stable partner,” the “strong one”, the “considerate mom/wife/daughter/sister”. In social circles, you’re the “peacemaker”, the “voice of reason”, the “glue that keeps people together”. Just about everywhere, you’re cast into a role you didn’t audition for but somehow landed anyway. And stepping out of character feels like betrayal, or weakness.

So, you keep playing the part.

But constantly suppressing who you are is its own kind of grief. You mourn the version of you that never got a chance to flourish. You grieve the silence after every moment you had something valuable to say but didn’t. You put away your best self and show up as somebody you’re not. And worst of all, you fall in line to be this palatable person who is all you’re allowed to be.

The reason for this is complex. Sometimes it’s fear - of being judged, ignored, abandoned, overlooked, not taken seriously. Sometimes it’s love - twisted into self-denial, believing that sacrificing your truth is how you show loyalty. Sometimes it’s survival - because when the world doesn’t make room for your real self, you learn to squeeze into smaller, more acceptable shapes.

But remember: no amount of conformity will ever feel as good as authenticity.

You are not responsible for managing other people’s discomfort with who you are. Your joy, your uniqueness, your wisdom, your truth - they’re not inconveniences to apologize for. They’re not character flaws to fix. They are you. And you deserve a life where you don’t have to shrink to be loved, or silence yourself to be safe, or constantly be “on” when you’re not feeling it.

People who truly care for you won’t want a version of you—they’ll want you. The messy, evolving, sometimes contradictory you. It might be hard to stop conforming, and some relationships may not survive your change. But you will. In the process, you’ll make space for new relationships - ones that don’t just tolerate who you are but celebrate it.

So if you’re tired of pretending, that’s okay. If you’re longing to show up as yourself, do it. Take the mask off, even just a little. The real you is worth knowing.

The world might surprise you. It has room for you, too.

Email me: bernadette@gogettercoaching.com .